


Space Children

by HerbertBest



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party (Band)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Inner Struggles, Introspection, Learning to Share, Mid-life Crisis, Opening Up, malls, pet acquisition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 15:07:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13056483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbertBest/pseuds/HerbertBest
Summary: Dan finds a mysterious unicorn in the desert, and must decide if his solitary rock and roll lifestyle can stand the addition of a pet.





	Space Children

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fallenandscatteredpetals](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenandscatteredpetals/gifts).



> This fic features Bell's original character, Leon, whom I'm using via permission. Thank you to Theseus for Beta!

“…Right Deb. I trust you to do the best thing for everyone. I know It’ll turn out okay. Do you need me to pick up some babka before I come home? No?” Dan asked, rubbing his red eyes. He was alone in the back of the tour bus, listening to her explain the final arrangements for his visit, one foot propped against the bus’ bathroom door, his rear end on the toilet seat. “I’ll try to make it home for high holy. You know I will. If I can’t I’ll try to Skype in or something.” The door cracked open, and he lifted his chin in acknowledgement as Brian peered into the room. “I’ve got to go, Deb. Brian needs the room…uh huh…love you,” he sang, before hanging up and letting out a low, heavy sigh.

“How’re your folks holding up?”

“Oh, fine. Everything’s a little out of control with Dana and the kids coming home.” He got up and made room so Brian could use the faculties. “Honestly, Bri? This time I can’t wait to get home. It’s fun and cool and like, fucking awesome making people happy, but it feels like I can’t remember what ”

Brian laughed. “Top ten signs you’re getting older – the idea of a warm bath and your couch feels more exciting than making a crowd of sixteen year olds scream their guts out.”

“Yes, I’m ancient. Thanks for the reminder, super cool of you,” Dan said. He closed the door but leaned against it so they could keep talking.

“I wouldn’t dare call you ancient,” Brian said. “Look at me. I’m a forty-year-old dad with a mortgage who makes thousands of dollars dressing up like a ninja every other night.” Dan smiled. Funny how life had worked out. “Are you feeling lonely or something?” asked Brian. “I know it’s been hard since…”

“Yes, I’ve been fine since my millionth break-up,” said Dan. He raked back his hair. “I’m gonna be even better when I’m home, tho.”

“Keep that thought,” Brian suggested. “You’ll feel better when you get back there. When your stomach’s full.”

Dan hummed thoughtfully. The bus skittered to a stop and he realized that they’d finally made it to the day’s first stop.

*** 

I’m going to eat all of the damn pancakes in this place,” Dan said. Brian rolled his eyes, but let Dan order a stack of fluffy cakes twice as tall as his head. He and the TWRP guys ordered more conservatively; Sung with his high-protein, high in vegetable egg white omelets. Havve had all of the bacon. Somehow Phobos poured syrup on his own lap. Together, the group of them managed to have fun, and Dan was once again stricken by the sensation that he was among family.

A big, loving, weird family. That seemed to be his destiny.

After they paid, he took a little walk around the restaurant, trying to find a nice angle for a selfie. He wanted to show off the beauty of the day, and if that meant twisting an ankle while totally trying to get the best ankle then he’d spend the show hopping in circles. At last he managed to find a nice rock and perch upon it, placing his backpack on the ground. He sent around his shot of the scenery, then sat for a moment and soaked it in. He didn’t surface until Brian called for him, then he had to rush to meet the bus.

“I swear you’d forget your head if it wasn’t stuck to your shoulders.” 

Dan was huffing as he rushed inside and flopped down onto a seat. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to take a few pictures.” He realized suddenly why he was so tired - the bag was alarmingly heavier. He wondered for a second if he’d managed to somehow wear himself out, but shrugged off his own worry. He placed it beside himself and sat to stare out the window as the sun-blasted beauty of the southwestern desert glowed around him. 

When the bag began to stir beside him, he barely noticed.

*** 

To his everlasting shame, he didn’t notice the problem for quite awhile. Not until the stupid thing tumbled right off of the seat while he was napping.

Dan started at the sound. His backpack was suddenly….less still than it ought to be. In fact it was rolling away from him, as if something particularly rambunctious had crawled in there while he wasn’t looking. Fear filled Dan’s heart. The note of panic in his voice rose to an embarrassing pitch. 

“Guys?” he squeaked. “I think my bag’s….” But the bus was then, abruptly, still, quiet, dark. How long had he been sleeping? He turned on an overhead light and stared at his bag. 

Creeping toward it, he said in a soft voice, “Hey buddy. Are you okay?” He bent and picked up his backpack carefully – it was just as heavy as it had been before, and this time it squirmed slightly as he put it down. “All right. See? We can do this the nice way. Just stay super fuckin’ calm and just not…scare the hell out of each other for no reason.” His laugh was painfully nervous as he opened up the pack.

What emerged was enough to make him stagger back and let out a muffled squeak. His interloper was adorable.

And dark dark red. And, to his amazement, a small horse.

“You’re adorable!” he whispered. “And the best part of this super fuckin’ weird dream I’m having.” The dark red pony stared up at him as Dan carefully sat him on the table. Immediately unimpressed, it started to root around in the puddle of Skittles Dan had been snacking on before falling asleep. “Hey! Ask permission first, please! Bad little desert-induced hallucination.” The pony frowned, lowed its head – and then Dan realized that the pony was not a simple pony – no – It was a unicorn!

“Okay. The acid I took at my twenty-fifth birthday finally kicked in,” he mumbled, sitting back on his heels and staring blankly down at the little thing. His new unicorn companion – seriously what kind of shrooms had he taken back in New York? His mother had warned him this would happen, that he would lose his mind this way if he wasn’t careful – and then his thought process was absolutely stopped dead by the sensation of someone poking gently at his knee.

Dan looked down. The unicorn nudged his hand, its enormous eyes looking searchingly up into his face, . It had enormous, sweet eyes. And it seemed incredibly curious about his existence, snuffling at the torn knee of his jeans.

“Aww. Who’s the cutest little delusion ever?” He ran his fingers through its silky mane, and the unicorn leaned up into his hand, butting at it, making a soft sound of true contentment. “I am going to leave you here and pray that whatever I ate at the diner didn’t fuck up my whole mind forever until I die. Okay little buddy?” 

When he tried to get up from the bench, something caught the sleeve of his jacket and tugged him back toward the scene. “What’s wrong?” Dan asked. Butting again at Dan’s empty hands, the Unicorn made a sound that sounded almost like melodious whining. “Are you hungry?” More tugging. “What do you even eat, huh?” He looked around himself, at the rocking, contentedly pitching bus about him. “We do have some cereal in the cabinet. Do you like that? Do you know what Cocoa Puffs are?” The unicorn rubbed against his hand. “Okay. I’m going to make cereal for my delusion. This is a totally normal thing that won’t get me locked away forever in a hospital. Super normal and cool.” He nonetheless raided the mini fridge and cabinets, pouring out cereal, pouring in milk. 

He placed the dish before the unicorn and smiled indulgently as it bent to eat. He placed the empty bowl into the sink, then gently shooed the horse into his backpack. The unicorn let out a protesting whine, and Dan sighed. “I know, buddy. But we’ve got to keep you hidden until I get sober…or the morning. Or…” The unicorn stubbornly shoved him away. “Okay. All right. I’ll just….let you rest on the backpack.” The unicorn’s expression as almost joyfully pigheaded; it made a single circle with its long body, then curled up at Dan’s feet on top of the backpack with a triumphant sounding harrumph.

“Hmph. Some kind of kind delusion you are,” he muttered, and took off to the comfort of his bunk, where he fell into a deep, heavy sleep. 

*** 

When the next morning arrived Dan could barely remember what had happened, but he could hear Brian in the kitchenette, complaining about the fact that he hadn’t washed his cereal bowl.

Great, okay. So that part wasn’t a mirage. He had hoped as much. But he had no idea what had triggered his vision of the dark red unicorn, and at this point was afraid to probe too deeply into his own psyche and find out the truth. 

He rolled out of bed and dressed, then splashed water on his face in the empty bathroom. Shaving and giving himself a sink bath, Dan tried to fix his hair. Tried to appear as calm and normal as possible. Tried not to look the way he felt, like his brain was totally going to cave in at any second.

Then he heard a shout coming from the kitchen, and flung himself out of the bathroom and into the living area of the bus. 

He found Brian standing there with a box of wide-open Cheez-Itz, staring in horrified anger. Rightfully so; someone had taken a huge chomp right out of the box.

“We have mice,” he said. “How the hell did we get mice on a bus?”

Dan laughed nervously. “You know Phobos loves to leave his leftovers out.” The response from behind him was a loud, calamitous ‘fuck you, dude.’ “Shut up!” he told Phobos, with absolutely no menace in his voice.

“I’m going to find someone who’s willing to fumigate the place,” said Brian. “This is absolutely ridiculous. I’m not going to risk all of us getting sick because of this garbage.”

“It might not be mice.” Brian stared at him. “We were in the desert, Brian. Maybe we got something bigger. I don’t want to poison anything either way.”

“And I don’t want to die. So if you want to Death Blossom High Five our way out of this…”

“No I do not, thank you,” said Dan flatly. “I’ll call a guy I know,” he said. “Are we finally there? Is it time for soundcheck?”

“Yes,” Brian said flatly. Dan heard TWRP snickering behind him, and bit back a sigh of loss. He knew none of them would ever understand his plight.

He eyeballed his backpack. It wriggled like a snake being charmed out of it’s vase.

*** 

Soundcheck went well, to Dan’s neverending relief. He strolled back onto the bus and found himself happily ensconced in the warm safety of the bus one more time.

H e only panicked a little when he saw the unicorn sitting at the floor of his bunk, chewing happily away on the bell bottom leg of his tights.

“Dan,” Brian said flatly, “I’m extremely worried about your mental health. You’re behaving in a manner that’s begun to disturb me…”

“I’m fine,” Dan promised, almost falling over to explain himself. “It’s all cool, I swear. I’m just…going through a lot right now,” he said, sawing the needle through the spandex. Tonight’s show would involve way less grinding than it normally did. 

“Dan. You chewed a hole in your own tights. I’ve seen this sort of behavior before,” Brian continued, “in neurotics who can’t accept their success. I know the band’s been gaining ground lately so…”

“I’m not afraid of being successful Brian, holy shit!”

 

“Well, since you stopped analysis and decided it was better to take on a life coach,” Brian said, the eyeroll implied. 

“It’s not like I’m aligning my chakras,” Dan said. And he grinned, even though he tried desperately to keep his face straight. 

Brian’s flat expression still made Dan giggle. “I’ll ignore that remark,” he said. “For the sake of our friendship.”

*** 

The concert had what Dan would generously call a weird atmosphere. They kept yelling for 6969, even though they didn’t have time enough to play it, and kept throwing progressively heavier things at him. When a mug whizzed by his ear he almost called the entire thing off but powered through.

He always powered through. That was his job. Keeping it together, keeping his spine straight and his eyes clear and his smile ever-present.

When the show was over, he showered and flopped back into the bus, shouting over his shoulder to his fans that he was sorry, that he loved them. And he thought he loved them, really, honestly. Sometimes there were too many of them, though. Sometimes he just wanted to be alone, and far, far away, with his headphones plugged in and his eyes shut tight – not having to act, not having to put on a happy face. Not pretending to be overjoyed to be alive, when all he wanted was peace and silence.

Someone got him dinner – Chinese food – and he ate it under Brian’s heavy scrutiny. Dan winced and averted his eyes. Why was Brian making it even weirder than normal? Was he setting him up for yet another joke? Was he going to let this go or was he going to trap Dan into lying his way out of the problem?

Dan hoped not. God, did he hate lying. He was awful at it, and everyone knew he was awful at it. People took advantage of him for his honesty. He’d only recently come to understand that fact.

But Brian came to sit down beside him, and he helped him throw away his empy container. “I just want everyone to know, I called an exterminator who’ll be meeting us in Flagstaff to check out whatever kind of vermin problem we’ve got going on.”

Dan instantly flew to his feet. “No! We’re not going to trap it inhumanely. I don’t want to hurt it!”

“Okay, I’m gonna just go ahead and say it – Dan, we all think you’ve been acting really weird. I have no idea what’s going on – maybe it’s a girl, maybe you’re having some kind of crisis – but I need you to get it together. We’re talking about the band’s very livelihood here, but much more importantly I’m scared to death something’s going to happen to you. Your head’s been lodged up your ass for weeks now and I think it’s about time for you to make a couple of calls…”

“…Brian,” Dan said, his eyes settling on the space just over Brian’s head. He could hear something knocking about.

Sung spoke up then. “I’m with Brian. Well, you’ve been acting oddly since we had dinner at that diner. Are you sick? Is there something I can do?”

That was when the thumping over Brian’s head grew louder. So loud that the whole cabinet vibrated and everyone else in the bus stopped what they were doing and gave it their full attention. Brian let out a sound of total fear and covered his face as the door burst abruptly open, allowing a dark red unicorn to emerge and peek into the outside world, staring at them with frightened confusion in its expression. 

Stillness filled the bus. Dan’s horrified eyes shot up toward Brian’s face, which had become a welter of utter bewilderment. 

Brian said the only thing he could say, under such strained circumstances. “What the fuck?” he blurted out.

“Whelp,” said Havve suddenly.

“Please don’t say whelp,” Dan said, opening his arms for the unicorn to drop itself down into his embrace. He did so warily. Aware that he was being stared at, aware that Brian was absolutely beyond the art of forming words, he picked up his little friend and carried it away, into the safety of his bunk.

 

*** 

 

“So I’m not crazy,” Dan said, pacing back and forth in front of his bunk. “At least that’s good to hear.”

Brian was eyeballing the unicorn as he snuffed at his fingers. “So this is our rat?” the Unicorn butted his hand. “Ow! It’s simply a descriptor and an old reference, not an actual factual statement as to what and who you are.”

“That’s the big question. Who the hell is this unicorn, and why the hell is he here?”

“Don’t swear in front of him!” Dan scolded, cupping his hands over the unicorn’s ears. “He’s a baby, and he might be sensitive.”

“I’m not going to treat it like my daughter or your nephews,” Brian said. 

“So treat him like Coco,” said Dan. The Unicorn’s hoof clomped down on Brian’s wrist. “There you go, go to Uncle Brian.”

“I am not Uncle Brian. Don’t call me that in…whatever language it is that you use,” he said stiffly, and winced as the unicorn nuzzled him. “I don’t believe that this is my life.”

“Exactly what I said yesterday,” Dan said. “And with that established – good night.”

“Wait, good night?” Brian called up after him, but Dan was curling up in the bunk. 

“Hey, I need some sleep. Why don’t you worry about him for a change?”

“Dan!”

“Niight Brian!” he sang. 

In the back of the bus, Dan could hear Brian yelling his annoyance, but sleep won out, as it was wont to do after a long show. Brian had experience staying up nights with small, vulnerable things. 

He figured he could do worse, leaving the little fellow in his dearest friend’s care.

 

*** 

“Okay,” Dan said eight hours later, as they stood outside the smoking hull of the bus, most of their costumes sitting beside them in the grass, while Brian held a writhing backpack against his stomach and eyeballed the ashes they’d left behind, “tell me what happened again?”

“It started playing with the knobs while I was in the bathroom,” Brian said. “I came out to everything on fucking fire, so I got the driver to stop, then I pulled everyone out. Do you think our insurance will cover it all?”

“God only knows, man,” Dan complained, sitting down on the floor. “Little guy, you’re a fuckton of trouble in a two pound bag.”

“We need to use that in a song,” Brian said, watching the TWRP guys mill around trying to salvage their street clothing. “Is everything still on the equipment truck?”

“Yeah,” Dan said. “I think everything’s still back there.” He let out a muffled huff. The unicorn squirmed around in the bag, resting its head against Dan’s chest through the layer of thick canvas separating it from the outside world. “Aww. I can’t be mad at you,” he murmured, and scratched the unicorn just behind his ears.

“Yes, that’s all well and good,” Brian snapped. “But what are we going to tell the band?”

The band, and their manager, were all sitting scattered about the hillside now, chatting among themselves, trying to figure out what had happened, waiting for the scream of a fire engine. “I’m sorry, guys – I’ll pay for anything important,” Brian promised.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Brian?” asked Phobos. He was eyeing the squirming bag in Dan’s arms. “More importantly, is the little dude okay?”

“The little dude? Don’t tell me you’re starting to bond with that thing.” For Brian, who loved animals and was good with small children, such a statement felt extreme. But he was watching the little unicorn with new fear in his eyes, and he seemed to be reluctant to even edge closer to him as she eyeballed Brian with his enormous blue eyes, head emerging from Dan’s backpack to peer at the disaster it had caused.

“Why not?” asked Sung. “He seems radical!”

“He’s totally fucking radical,” Dan said, and put the backpack down. “And if he came to me, then he’s probably some kind of orphan. If we can’t find his family before we leave the state, I’ll take him home.”

“Danny. Your mourning process…”

“This isn’t about my mourning process,” Dan immediately said. “Brian, come on, he’s helpless, he doesn’t’ have anyone around to take care of him. I really want to make sure he’ll be okay before I like, leave him alone, leave the whole state behind me. How would you feel if it was your daughter?”

“My daughter doesn’t have anything to do with this,” Brian said. “My daughter’s at home safe and sound with my wife. You have a semi-dangerous wild animal in your lap that’s cost us thousands of dollars in property.”

“Don’t be unicorn-ist!” Dan said. “Would you like, feel differently if Leon was a snake, or porcupine, or an armadillo?” 

“I WISH he were an armadillo! Those are quiet.”

“Would you please both stop arguing?” That was Sung. He was sprawled out on the lawn and staring at the night sky, and Dan could relate. Staring blankly into the ether sounded like a wonderful option at the moment. He sat down beside him and opened the top of the backpack, letting the unicorn sprawl itself out into the air.

The unicorn emerged into the moonlight, took a quick circle of the grassy bank, then flumped to the ground and curled up in a ball and began to snooze. It was remarkably doglike, for a big dark red unicorn, Dan thought. In fact, in the moonlight he could almost squint and pretend it was….

“Of course. Now you’re tired,” Brian remarked. He sounded as exhausted as Dan felt, and Dan could only feel somewhat amused at his exasperation. Sitting at Dan’s right, he closed his eyes and smiled. The air smelled like burning rubber and gasoline, and they were upwind of it all, and Dan thought to himself that they really should just move a few more inches away as a fire truck came screaming up. Someone buttonholed their manager and started asking questions, and Dan patted Leon’s back. They weren’t a focal point of attention, and he’d tell anyone who asked that the horse was an especially lifelike stuffed toy. 

“What are we going to do with him?” Brian asked.

“Love him,” Dan said.

Brian snorted. Havve and Meowtch had come to join the both of them, and they made quite a sight, lined up like rubber toys, like strewed mannequins. “Be sure to put him away before the replacement bus comes.”

“Of course,” Dan said, but he kept watching the unicorn sleep on with a look of total fondness in his eyes. By the time the bus came he had fallen asleep in a sprawl on the lawn, his head on Dan’s knee.

*** 

“Brian, I think I’m going to give this little guy a name.”

They’d been sitting in a nice vegan place and inhaling stacks of pancakes when the words had come from Dan’s lips. They had their new replacement bus and had been racing to make up time and get to New Mexico before they had to reschedule the gig.

“If it’s little pain in the ass,” Brian said, “I’ll pay for a collar. I’ll even pay for the license.”

“That’s mean! Like, way, way too mean,” Dan said. They’d left the unicorn on the bus in a dog carrier they’d bought, which would hopefully hold him until they could teach him how not to undo locks or turn knobs. 

“Okay, so what’s your idea?”

Dan considered his words carefully for the next few minutes. “How about Merry? Or Pippin? Or…Leon!”

“Leon?” asked Brian incredulously.

Dan proudly pointed at the sign just outside of the diner. “We’re in Leon, Arizona. Seems pretty fitting.”

“Fitting,” said Brian flatly. He sipped more coffee while Dan drank down his tea. “I’ve lost track of the days. God only knows I just want to go home at this point.”

Leon made a disquietingly sharp noise against his chest, and Dan murmured sympathetically, gently cradling the unicorn against his chest. “We’ll be there soon,” he said. He’d be home in New Jersey, with his family. What would happen to Leon then? Could he sneak a unicorn on a plane? Would he have to keep the carrier and pretend he was a dog?

What the hell was he doing with his life, anyway? Wasn’t he supposed to be happier about all of this? He thought he would be, that somehow this would fix the hole in his chest that yawned open whenever he thought of the loneliness he faced on a daily basis. Instead, he had added stress to his life, made him feel scared and out of control, a train wreck on two long legs. He lived to make music. It was the parts of his life that weren’t musical felt barren and empty, like a sort of wasteland that made him wonder if the sacrifice was worth it. Being happy seemed like a relative idea, a valueless idea that had no real place in his life. Dan wanted everything it seemed. He wanted to be home when he was working, and to be singing when he was Grumping. The only thing that ever felt right to him was singing onstage with the sound of Brian’s music in his ears. The only thing that really ever worked for him was the roar of a crowd. It was like being drugged up.

His dog hadn’t fit into that world. Why in the world and how in the world could a unicorn do so? 

“You’re thinking about something else again,” Brian said, sounding properly and utterly exhausted. 

“Yeah,” Dan said. He finished his tea. “Let’s get through tonight, and see where it stands.”

*** 

The concert was fun. Concerts were always fun; he liked going to them and blending anonymously into the crowd, and he liked leading a mob of two thousand people in screaming about dicks and balls. If he was close to center stage then the drums and bass pounded happily in the back of his mind. He could make them scream anything he wanted to. The power was heady but dangerous.

The level of fame resting on his shoulders was bizarre. He has the number two album in the country, but he was rarely recognized outside of LA. In paranoia, he lived in black hoodies and sunglasses, but didn’t often sign autographs outside of conventions. He hid behind his phone and jaywalked into the bright blazing sunlight, unaware of cars. He existed in his head until he was singing. 

It was, he thought to himself as a thousand cell phones swayed before his dazzled eyes, a weird way to have a mid-life crisis. Music was happiness, and life, and maybe that was all that mattered. It always nurtured him back to life.

He didn’t notice the halogen light swaying toward the stage until it was too late, until he heard Phobos’ grunt of pain and felt a shard of glass scrape his back. 

Out of the corner of his eye, a brightly-colored unicorn scampered away, leaving him to nervously calm the roiling sea of the audience. 

*** 

“I need to teach you how to ‘stay’,” Dan said, as they motored out of town. The unicorn was unbothered by his scolding, munching away at the French fries he offered up. 

“This is worse than Audrey’s toddlerhood,” Brian observed, apropos of nothing. TWRP sat around him in states of half-wakefulness. “At least she didn’t have teeth this early.”

“Don’t compare your adorable daughter to my unruly son,” Dan said. Brian smiled in spite of himself. Dan sighed. “Do you think I did we did well last night.”

“They loved you. Isn’t that enough?”

Dan pressed the side of his head against the window. It was good, to feel his dream coming to life. To feel like he hadn’t worked desperately in vain for absolutely nothing over the past twenty years. To breathe. 

Leon booped his nose with his hoof, and Dan pressed his lips to the crown of his head.

*** 

Off the bus, back home, he immediately began packing again for the trip home. Dirty clothes were thrown and lumped in the basement for the laundry, and he took a perfunctory shower while Leon splashed around in the stall beside him. He forgot how to get the water completely off and froze himself with a high-pitched shriek. 

No wonder he’d forgotten how his own bathroom operated. He hadn’t been home for more than five minutes in the last two months. 

Dan’s feelings about that were ambivalent. The house itself was impersonal everywhere but in the bathroom, and his choice of decorations. He’d always traveled life, believed in experiences over ownership, yet there was something vacant about this place where he would sleep, eat, and likely live until his dying day. It didn’t look like something that was lived in. It looked like a show palace for the things he liked but it wasn’t lived in. It didn’t have dents or creases; it wasn’t marked up or worn in. It was sterile, weirdly impersonal.

At least it was. The first thing Dan noticed on emerging from the shower was the flour-covered hoofprints leading from the cabinet to the living room.

The kitchen was a mess. He may or may not have freaked out a little, at the overturned boxes, at the scattered flour. At the sight of the busted tea pot his grandmother had handed down to him, at the smell of burning sugar – and the sight of Leon, munching casually away at the cereal he’d stolen – Dan finally lost his mind. 

“Leon!” He grabbed the unicorn up, with tears in his eyes, with anger overwhelming his heart. He placed the animal on the living room floor, and neatened everything up. 

What was he doing, living in this barren, narrow little house, all white marble and plain walls, with cheap art blow-ups and no personality at all? This world could belong to anyone; it could be a porn star’s place. Dan’s heart tangled up in his throat, and his stomach felt like a pit of pure marble. His life had been so self-centered lately, so weirdly and utterly drawn into itself, collapsing like a pumping heart. 

He felt a hoof clomp lightly onto his hand – gently, softly. He glanced up and Leon was watching him, his eyes enormous and round. “Aww, little buddy,” he cooed. “I’m not mad at you, I promise,” he said. “It’s just…a lot of stress at once, y’know? I’ve got a busy life, and I barely see my family, and I don’t have a lot of time for myself or…well, for anyone else. It’s just such a total fucking mess. You don’t desserve to be in the middle of it, buddy. I’m sorry you’re stuck here with a bum like me, who can’t even help you out,” Dan mumbled. He buried his face in the unicorn’s hyde and let out a watery sob. To his surprise, the unicorn snuggled right up and made a soft, querulous sound against Dan’s ear. He kept petting, kept clinging, kept holding on. It was all he could do when his life was so out of control even the presence of a unicorn in it meant good news. 

*** 

Tears dried and kitchen cleaned, Dan turned up at the airport and made his flight in record time. Leon was carefully stored in a pet carrier, and carried onto the flight like any other small dog who needed their owner’s attention. Dan, as always, used the downtime in the offing to sit and float along with whatever music suited the mood; today it was Owl City of all things, moody sweet-tempered electronica that touched his heart no matter the day, time or place.

Maybe he’d teach Leon to listen to music, too. Maybe they’d both end up sitting on the lawn, watching a concert someday. He didn’t imagine that any unicorn of his wouldn’t enjoy music.

What the hell was he thinking to himself? Good God. Unlatching his mind, even his life, had consequences that he hadn’t anticipated when he’d picked the unicorn up by mistake.

The night passed and he was an hour from landing when Dan suddenly felt a hoof clonk down upon the top of his head. He looked up and saw Leon staring down at him, his big eyes peering through the unzipped zipper.

“You’re gonna get yourself in big trouble,” Dan said, tutting gently, but scratching right under his chin. Carefully, he unplugged his earbuds and slid them up and into the unicorn’s ears. He turned the volume up and watched the pleased, surprised expression on the unicorn’s face shift as he listened on to the music.

Could horses pay attention to lyrics the same way he did? Could they feel the emotion of the songs he could feel? Was music the only magic a unicorn could know, or could they make beauty happen too?

He hadn’t seen Leon actually _use_ any powers yet, but he was sure that the effect would be frightening as hell. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for it.

The horse tilted his head back and forth to the sound of the music, making soft pleased sounds that sounded like an infant at its mother’s breast. Dan smiled in spite of himself. He snuggled back into the seat, used to the rigidness of an airplane seat coddling his sore back. Again, peace kissed his brow and sent him back to rest.

*** 

He was immediately pressed into the bosom of his warm-hearted family. Dan felt livelier, more human, than he had in decades when he inhaled the scent of his grandmother’s perfume, felt his mother’s soft arms around him and the gentle brush of her lips on his temple. For Dan this was a small miracle, an everyday gesture toward the magical in the ordinary. The way love worked, the way it spread itself over him – how lucky he was. He never did manage to shake the feeling that LA, Las Vegas, Philly – everywhere he lived was just a way station leading him back to the comforting trap of Jersey and suburbia. 

He kept Leon in his knapsack during the drive home, and didn’t let him out until he was in the safety of his room. “Hey buddy. You’re going to have to stay in here, okay? I know it’s going to be a pain ‘cause you’re gonna want to roam, but my folks don’t know you exist yet, and I can’t think of a way to break the news to them. But I promise I’ll spend lots of time with you and hang out as much as I can, okay? I love you bunches,” he said. Leon’s eyes were big and filled with annoyance and hurt, but Dan kissed him between the eyes and made soft, fussing sounds as he guided the pony under the safety of his desk. Not much had changed in Dan’s room since he was a teenager, and the space and football posters clashed with commercial photographs of women in bikinis and fantasy posters. If he dug deeper he could probably find his Magic: The Gathering cards if he kept digging for them. 

Dan wondered again when he was going to feel like an adult who had fully transitioned out of his position as eldest child and biggest family disappointment. He looked at Dana’s family, saw how happy and together they were, and realized for the millionth time he was barely blossoming, barely grown, a wildwood flower made of wire and water trying to wend his way as close to the sun as possible.

“Dan!” came Avi’s voice from the living room, and Dan quickly poured out a box of cereal for Leon, then stood up.

“I’m coming!” Dan yelled. “We’ll watch the soccer game in a couple of minutes, okay?”

“All right! But you’ll miss the pre-game!”

“I promise I’ll be there before it starts!” Dan yelled. He petted the unicorn one more time atop his head. Then he turned toward the living room and smiled when he opened the door. 

One could never be too friendly when dealing with your own parents in your own house, after all.

*** 

“…And at the buzzer, it’s forty to five, Real Madrid,” the announcer piped up. Avi made a sound of disgust, and Dan bit back a little smile at his father’s frustration. He could relate to it – they were usually busy rooting for Portugal during a game like this, but hey – when in Rome. 

“Buncha bums!” Dan threw out.

“Eh, bums,” Avi shrugged. “They tried their best, what more do you want?”

“A winning team,” Dan said. He yawned and stretched. “Want a sandwich, Avi?”

“Oh sure,” he said, yawning. Amazingly the kitchen was empty and Dan was free to make whatever he needed to in peace.

He and Avi devoured lunch in silence. That was typical of his relationship with his dad – it was comforting, almost drowsy, just to take in the night and eat what was set before him. The less thinking he had to do, the better, and the less stress the better. Dan wondered how and why it had become that easy – whether they were sitting across from one another eating pancakes or whether they were having a cold beer in the general proximity of each other’s company, they were often without the need for words, without the need to stretch for something important or exciting to say.

“So how is your singing going? Did your latest get a million hits yet?”

Dan smiled. “No. It’s actually been out for a few weeks and it’s at like, seven hundred k.” Which was nothing to sneeze at. Did he sound like he was complaining? God, he hoped not. 

“That’s good! That’s good news! I’m proud of you, Dan!”

“Thanks, Avi.” He’d almost called him dad. Almost, but not quite. Maybe next time he’d do so. Just hold on to his dad, hug him and remind him that he was the coolest person Dan had ever met in his whole life. He wondered how his dad would react to that. He wondered, even, if his father knew what ‘cool’ was.

“I’m gonna go grab a nap before going to the mall,” Dan said. “You cool with being alone?”

“Oh, sure,” said Avi dismissively. Dan felt a little wave of sympathy for his father – emotions were an issue for the two of them; Dan had a surplus that he gave away recklessly to strangers, Avi reserved his in memory of all of the scars he’d endured. Between the two of them there was an impasse that was solved with pancakes, guilt, bursts of enthusiastic glee and real love. Even when things were tough – even when Avi had played the raincloud frowning on Dan’s dreams – he had always felt that love.

He didn’t, however, notice that Dan had grabbed the last bit of sandwich and a handful of chips and then disappeared into his room with them both. Avi was many things – observant wasn’t one of them.

Rounding the corner and entering the room, Dan nearly let out a shriek of surprise at what he saw.

Leon had neatened his room – was neatening his room, his horn glowing as objects were lifted and replaced, and the bedspread was remade. 

“Aw, Leon – you can do useful things!” He scratched the unicorn behind his ear and sat down to watch the wonder of the moment flash to life around him. “Such a good boy,” he cooed happily. Honestly, if he’d known what a unicorn could do before this day he would’ve gone combing the Arizona desert years before.

Once the room was clean, he sat down beside Leon and reached into his pocket. “Come on and nap with me,” Dan encouraged. “Then we’ll go ahead and go to the mall. I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Leon made a noncommittal nose. Dan kept feeding him bits of sandwich until they were gone, then tucked him in for a nap.

Sleeping beside a unicorn was not what Dan would call ‘comfortable’ upon reflection. There were a lot of flailing hooves and mild nibbles. Dan slept through it, until past the middle of the afternoon, when he tucked Leon into his backpack and carried him out of the house and off to the mall. 

The ride downtown was longer than Dan remembered, and more boring. Leon was restless – he used his phone to fully distract him, until the manicured environs of the mall opened their arms to greet him. 

Dan loved malls. He’d rather a forest, or a neon-filled foreign town, but malls had that strangely liminal sense about them, peaceful and yet highly active, bright and noisy and yet soothing. There was something entirely strange, entirely comforting, about taking a long stroll throughout the whole length of the place. Everything had moved on without him, yet it was incredibly familiar within. He’d been to this place, played video games here, had been through too much and seen too many things in the company of his closest friends. 

Now there was a family amusement center where the arcade once was, and a yogurt shop where the music store used to be. He bought a brownie yogurt and found himself playing ski ball as Leon peeped through the flap of his backpack, listening to the sirens go off and watching the neon flash.

A few minutes after he scored a raft of tickets, he spied an old enemy from high school. He had two kids looped over him like a shawl, and was dragging his feet as they headed to the ride-on ride. Dan thought about going up to him- about bragging about his best-selling album, his big new house – the life he’d strived so hard to get for himself when he was a nerdy nobody.

But he paused mid-step. The guy was smiling – actually smiling under the weight of his burden. He was somehow content – even though in Dan’s estimation he absolutely didn’t deserve to be. 

Who was he to brag about his life, when others seemed just satisfied in their own weird way?

Who was he to brag when the happiest moment of his recent life involved discovering a unicorn that he had to keep secret from the rest of the world.

Leon nudged at his hand through the canvas material of the backpack – and in spite of himself, Dan smiled. Let the man live, he decided, and headed off to enjoy himself in peace.

*** 

A few hours later he was back home again – with candy for his mother and a sack of chips for his dad. The family was already gathering at his parent’s place, already preparing to light the menorah. His nephews were spinning derides and eating cheap chocolate gelt, the kind that gave Dan a nostalgia-based stomach ache whenever he looked at it. The sight of him made them get up from the floor screaming, running to tackle him, running to grab him up and make him feel like a human being again. 

One showed him a new game on his phone ap, and Dan sat with the child in his lap as he squirmed, all elbows and joy and loud laughter. So excited to show Dan what he could do, that he was doing.

His father returned with his grandmother as his mother set out the fancy blue china for the dinner. Avi’s prayer was long and seemed to take ages longer than it had when Dan was a child. Then he was helping his father serve, stepping up to take a role in the center of the drama. It was minutes before he actually got to sit down and enjoy what was being 

The brisket tasted amazing, the potatos thick and crisp. “Do you have a girl yet, little star?” his grandmother asked.

Dan stuttered on the words. But they came anyway, arrived all neatly wrapped up in bows and string. “Nope. No one wifely or wife-shaped in my life at the moment.”

She tisked lightly, fondly. “We will find you a lovely girl some day, little star!” she declared. There was a sense of warm, calm camaraderie between the two of them, as always. She loved him with a depth that stunned him to this day and left him humble, grateful and yearning to find that connection again and again in other faces. 

Dan rarely succeeded in that search. To his complete and total sadness. 

But the dinner continued along apace, with songs and food and happiness. His ennui disappeared and he felt like a part of his flock again. He didn’t notice the unicorn-shaped lump under the table until it was trying to climb up his leg and beg him for scraps.

The pureness of the anxiety that filled Dan was like water, expanding his heart and stomach and lungs almost beyond bearing. He nervously began to feed little bits of brisket to the unicorn under the table, throwing his parents occasional smiles, giving them almost all of his attention, trying desperately to avoid looking down and giving away the game. 

Unfortunately, Leon was not a patient unicorn. At least once, the meat from Dan’s fork managed to levitate its way into Leon’s mouth while he was trying to bite it. Dan’s nephews noticed instantly, and their eyes brightened in surprise at the mischief at hand.

Dan winced. He lifted the challa, the wine, and tried to look innocent as the unicorn flopped down on its butt and started gnawing on the toasted pile of bread lying idly on the floor. 

“So. Anyone hungry for some dessert?” 

*** 

Dan was very, very careful when talking to his family about Leon. No, none of them were imagining things, and no, he hadn’t done anything weird to bring the unicorn to this plane of existence. He paid for a dozen pizzas and lit the menorah and avoided the family’s concerned, curious looks. 

“Do you know where he came from?” His mother petted Leon’s mane, fussing over him the way she fussed over the grandkids. The boys were already champing at the bit to play with him, and Leon was wary but curious in their presence. Dan made tutting sounds, tried to keep them from climbing all over one another. 

“I was just in the desert. I put down my backpack to take a selfie, and the next thing I knew the little guy had crawled in there.”

“And I suppose that this is why you had a bus fire, too?” his mother asked.

Dan winced. “Yeah He’s a little accident prone. I think he must be new to Earth or something.”

“Or maybe he’s just very young and mischievous,” Deb suggested.

“Also a possibility,” Dan noted. 

Deb was looking the little unicorn in the eyes, and he was staring back at her, interested, not yet suspicious. “You know, something about his face really reminds me of somebody. Maybe someone chose to come back this way, to find you…”

“Mom, I love you dearly, but I don’t think that one of our relatives would choose to come back to the earth as a unicorn.” Plus there was the whole sticky wicket that was reincarnation, which Dan absolutely didn’t believe in.

“Well, don’t be persnickety about it,” she said. “You don’t know what’s going on. The universe is a magic, mystical, weird place, Danny. And for all you know, it’s trying to teach you something important. But you don’t know - maybe it’s Tilly; maybe it’s her soul coming back,” said his mother thoughtfully. 

“As a unicorn, mom? As a freakin’ unicorn – no offense, man?” Dan asked, with a quick aside to Leon. He couldn’t believe he’d actually said it until the words had escaped his lips. Then they were out there, and he couldn’t stop himself from laughing. 

“I taught you to be more imaginative than that,” she pointed out.

Dan smiled, bent down, kissed the top of his mother’s head. “God, you’re a gem,” he said fondly. She poked him in the ribs with her elbow. 

“I’m a goddess in progress,” she said. “Now, who wants some kugel?”

*** 

Leon ended up eating twice his weight in kugel that night. Afterwards, Dan let him out to play with his nephews, who at least on one occasion found themselves floating in mid-air while Leon played about with his magic. Dan sat back like a proud parent. Leon could make things appear out of mid-air, which was pretty disconcerting, but he could also return them to whatever place in the house he’d materialized them from. Dan felt something close to relief when he tired the boys out and they lay on their grandmother’s pristine white carpet, staring up at the ceiling while whispering secrets into Leon’s ear. The boys dressed him up in their winter jackets and tried to hug him to death. But Leon would never die of affection. Dan was fairly certain of that little fact.

It took Dan a lot of effort to pry him away from the two of them, but he managed to get it done, get Leon into bed beside him and snuggled down to let the day’s events pass over his head, and to think about what he’d been through.

He kept coming back to the mental image of his nephews playing with Leon. That got Dan to thinking. They loved the little guy a lot, and they needed him more than Dan ever could. Maybe, just maybe, Leon belonged with them instead of him. 

Was that why Leon had found him? Was he meant to be with someone who was less busy, less messy, with a much less chaotic life than Dan had? 

Leon slept on. Dan let the weight of the night settle in all around him and drag him down into the navy-colored belly of the night.

*** 

“Hey buddies. How would you feel about Leon coming to stay with you guys?”

Dana gave Dan a look when he suggested this, but he shrugged apologetically. She and her husband had enough land, enough suburban comfort outside of the short commute to New York that Dana had had to complete every week of her life just to get to her job. They’d all be fine, and healthy where they were planted. But Dan had always been the uprooted type. What good would that have been for Leon?

Wow, he was actually thinking about the little guy as if he were a child.

Leon’s huge, blue eyes seemed to fill with tears. Dan petted his mane. “Are you okay?” he whispered. Leon butted at his open palm until Dan closed his fingers down and started scratching.

“It’s for the best, buddy,” he said, cuddling him close to his chest. “These guys are f…totally awesome. They’re my flesh and blood, and they’re gonna treat you like totally awesomely. I trust these boys with all my heart and all my faith.” He squeezed Leon harder. “Besides, if you have any troubles, you can always count on me. Okay?”

The unicorn made a whining noise as Dan handed him over to the younger of the two boys. Tugging his hat down to keep the tears out of his eyes, Dan grabbed his suitcase and left the room as quickly as possible with his customary Tupperware of leftovers.

He blocked out Leon’s cries of dismay with every last bit of willpower he had left in his body.

*** 

Back home it was silent. There were texts and messages from his friends and family. There were emails and promises to tend to.

But most of the time he spent sleeping and panicking. 

He had no idea why he was panicking, only that it happened. Suddenly he was curled up in a ball breathing harder than he ever had in his life, trying to convince himself he wasn’t having a heart attack. It was like agony. 

He sat and breathed, until he felt calm. He wouldn’t let his old fears consume his life again, couldn’t.

But it was time to back up, to sit down and really think of what was important to him. And when he closed his eyes he saw his family, happy and laughing. When he closed his eyes, he saw Leon nibbling on his fingers, staring at him with that even, calm look. 

It was Leon. Leon was what he was missing in his life. Leon was the one he needed to have, and the one who would help him. It was his duty to look after him, not his sister’s. 

He’d been blind to see that, too afraid of growing up – too worried that if he fully embraced his part of becoming an adult he’d dissolve into the flotsam and die without really having lived for a moment. But that was foolish. He was alive. His head was clear. He’d be okay again, and again.

He knew that the only way to undo his choice would be to go back to the desert where he’d found Leon. Somehow, the unicorn would find him again. 

Somehow. He knew it.

*** 

It was cooler here, now that the New Year was dawning; maybe it was because he was here at nighttime instead of being caught in the blazing heat of the afternoon. Dan had worn a thick hoodie and yet still the breeze blew stiff enough to make him shiver. The desert was enormous – brown and purple, dark red and sandy gray, with long stretches of sand and enormous mountains and hillocks. To Dan it seemed to stretch on for a million miles when he left his bus stop and started hiking, careful to keep warm. It didn’t take him long to find the diner, and the rock where he’d first encountered Leon.

“If you want me you’ll find me, buddy,” Dan mumbled, curling up into a ball and falling asleep beside it.

*** 

He dreamed of a beautiful girl with rainbow hair, carrying a bundle in her arms. Dan couldn’t make out what it was she was holding – only that it was precious cargo.

Her smile was benevolent, but her voice boomed out like a foghorn. She wore the face of the muse that had always come to haunt him in the middle of the night, spurring his work the way love affairs which had consumed his life never really had.

“I think you’re ready to accept the gift I gave you now,” she said serenely. “Unless you’d rather I took him away again…”

“Oh no!” Dan cried. “I promise – I’m grown-up enough to take care of him!”

“If you promise you’ll follow where the unicorn leads,” she said judiciously, “then I will give you a second chance. But do be careful with him, Danny. You won’t be given more chances to make this right.”

She opened the bundle of blankets to reveal Leon’s face peeking crossly from between the folds.

That was when Dan woke up, with a small unicorn curled up in his arms.

“Oh my God,” he blurted out, wrapping his arms around Leon, who wriggled and squirmed in his arms. “Oh my God, hello, buddy!” 

Leon stared up at him. “I know,” Dan said. “It must’ve been weird, getting pulled out of my sister’s place like that. God, I owe Dana a super apologetic text.” He hugged Leon like a lost ragdoll until it clomped its hooves onto his chest. “Hey, I’m sorry, okay. I just missed you. And I know you must be upset with me. Like, I wasn’t used to having my whole life turned upside down like that. I was so used to order and to organization. I didn’t really think that I had room for anyone new in my life. I was so busy trying to squeeze all of the work stuff in, all the traveling. Everything I wanted to do and get done before I died. I didn’t realize that while I was doing that I managed to forget how to live. You taught me that again, man – how to live like a real person. How to breathe, and how to forgive and – how to preach the preaching I was fucking preaching, y’know? It turned out I needed someone else to look after, to wake me all the way up and make me see what was going on. And you did that, little dude.”

Leon plopped his head onto Dan’s wrist. He blepped, his little dark red tongue poking out, and Dan rubbed him between the eyes until he closed them. “So I have to ask you a few questions before we seal the deal and I call my sister to explain that the problem with having a magical unicorn friend is that he likes to escape out of the blue and for no reason sometimes. Possibly because his guardian spirit is trying to teach me a really huge lesson.”

Leon eyeballed him. “All right. Do you want to go back to the desert, buddy?” Leon nipped his fingertip. “Ouch! Okay, understood! So we’re going home. But if we do that you’re gonna have to learn how to behave more, okay? I can’t have you running around blowing stuff up anymore.” The silence was deafening. Dan sensed they were coming to a good understanding. “Rad,” he said.

It was at that point that a car fishtailed its way up the pathway. Tucking Leon back into the safety of his pack, Dan put on his best ‘just minding my own business, officer’ smile.

“What’s the trouble?” he asked casually.

“Are you Leigh Daniel Avidaniel?” he asked.

“Uh…close,” Dan said.

The man sighed in relief. “Your family’s been looking for you,” he said. 

The cop shook his head, tugged on his belt. “I’ve been hearing those rumors for years. We ain’t putting stock in that though, not anymore. They’re just words on the wind.”

Dan felt his stomach settle; tears almost came to his eyes. “Yeah,” he said, and then laughed. “I guess you could say I was just having a little mid-life crisis.”

The cop eyeballed him. “You’re alive, my friend. Consider that a big blessing, and get yourself in from the storm.”

Dan grinned. “Yeah…my car’s a few miles away…” He pointed up the pathway. He could see it now, the headlights of other cars pulling in and out of the lot. Funny how it was so easy to see – how he felt himself grounding and calming.

The cop waved him off. “Just follow the marked pathway and you’ll be okay,” he said, starting his car. “Good luck out there. The crazies are running amuck.”

Dan nodded, gritting his teeth, putting a smile in place. All of the anxiety, the fear, the sense of loss – were gone. He was free of the fear of losing Leon – of losing himself. Win or lose, he’d still be Dan at the end of the day. He’d still know how to sing, and play bass, and be a wizard when it came to Giants stats.

Leon made a querulous sound in the backpack, and Dan reached back, opened the flap so he could pop his head out. The unicorn rubbed his fuzzy muzzle against the back of Dan’s hand, and his owner smiled, scratching gently. He felt a wave of peace wash over him, from head to toe. 

It would be worthwhile just to know that the unicorn was happy, after Dan’s long, fearful flight. Who had he been, to question the gifts that had been given to him? He had a purpose, and his purpose wasn’t only music, wasn’t only to care for his unicorn. He would find his strength in his friends, in his family, until the right person came along.

Dan pointed the toes of his sneakers toward the dawn. It would be hard; every step would tear and tear at his vulnerable heart. But he and Leon would make it just fine in the end. 

Rooted and free at the same time, he took his first step.


End file.
